A Step-by-Step Guide
This exercise in programming the mind will help you get from a nervous, tense, anxious and uncomfortable state toward feeling more confident, calm, strong and empowered and can be used in any context, whether you are looking to ask for a raise, deliver a speech, ask somebody out on a date, or become a more confident person.
Think about a place in your life where you would like to feel more confident, empowered and self assured.
The example below is for a professional who wants to be more comfortable delivering a statement.
Step 1: Assess Current Confidence
Question: “John, on a scale of 1 to 10, how confident do you feel about making your statement? (10 being super confident, and 1 being ‘I just want to run away.’)”
Purpose: Gauge your current level of confidence. He might pick a low number, which is okay.
Step 2: Break State Physically
Action: Encourage John to shake it off by moving his body or clapping his hands enthusiastically.
Purpose: This physical activity helps shift his body and mind into a more positive state.
Step 3: Recall a Confident Moment
Question: “Can you think of a time in your life when you felt good, confident, or strong?”
Note: The context of the memory isn’t important; focus on the empowering emotional state.
Step 4: Immerse in the Positive Memory
Guidance: Say, “Be there now and see what you saw, hear what you heard, feel what you felt. What does it feel like to feel this way? Who do you become when you feel this way? How is your posture, breathing, energy, tonality, look in your eyes, movement in your body for you to know you are indeed confident? How does it feel as a human being to feel that way? What’s important to you about being that person?”
Purpose: Encourage John to fully immerse himself in the memory and amplify the positive feelings. Be playful and supportive, building up the emotion.
Step 5: Apply the Confidence to the Present Challenge
Question: Once John is in a peak state, quickly ask, “Now, you are in that room making that statement. How does it feel now as you are there?”
Follow-Up: Ask, “What do you sound like when you feel confident? What do you see about yourself when you are confident? Where is that feeling in your body? Let that feeling double, quadruple, even multiply by 10.”
Purpose: Transition the confidence from the past memory to the present and future situation.
Repeat Regularly
Action: Encourage John to repeat this process as often as possible to reinforce the feeling of confidence.
By following these steps, John can build unshakable confidence through recalling empowering moments and applying those positive feelings to current challenges.
